Turkey Status

I am responsible for turkey, stuffing, and gravy. Stayed up until 2am, prepping, chopping, mincing. (The last being an evening standard.)

The turkey is now in the oven, and I face my first crisis: the oven isn't big enough for both the turkey and stuffing. Normally I barbecue the turkey and oven space is not a problem, but caprice carried me away this year. I am reminded that I should never try anything new.

I will figure something out.

Turkey Status 2

Stuffing will not fit in the toaster oven.

Cannot put Pyrex in barbecue.

Hair dryer not hot enough.

Stumped.

Turkey Status 3

A large turkey like this one can stand to rest longer than half an hour, which is plenty of time to bake stuffing separately. Problem solved.

I learned this on the internet, which never lies.

Turkey Status 4

Wrapped wood chips in foil and tossed onto the bottom of the oven, which is just hot enough for a thin smolder. Now the turkey, which is an herbed affair, will also be perfumed with apple wood smoke.

I am a fucking genius.

Turkey Status 5

Every smoke alarm in the house.

Turkey Update 6

Apart from cooking, I still have to shave my head, trim my beard, give John a flattop, and shower.

Dinner is at 6pm.

Shut up, Randy.

Turkey Update 7

Just remembered that the thermometer works better with the meat probe actually in the meat.

Turkey Update 8

The beard trimmer died halfway through my beard. Holiday has taken on a shrieking "everything must be perfect and you're ruining Christmas!" edge that can only be soothed by slapping a child in public. Preferably a mall.

The trimmer is recharging.

Turkey Update 9

World of Warcraft will solve my problems.

Turkey Update 10

Beard trimmed. John showered. Turkey cooking faster than expected. I may live.

Turkey Status 11

Stuffing in oven. Forgot parsley. Fuck it. John is a hippie. Gravy possibly not happening. Fuck it and it. Showering.

Turkey Update 12

John pouted. We made gravy.

Showering.

Turkey Update 13

I am thankful for perspective.